Hi! Sorry for the complete lack of blogging lately. I’ve had a lot of personal things going on that have meant I haven’t really had the chance to process my deistic musings very well. Here’s a little something…
I have noticed a small shift in my thoughts about God. Six months ago, I would have said that I had very strong faith and very weak beliefs, and that I was frustrated because I couldn’t prove that God was real, existed, cared etc. I think now I would probably say that my faith is weak and beliefs are strong, and that I am frustrated because I can’t prove that God isn’t real. I’d like to explore those two shifts briefly.
Faith / Belief
The shift in strength of faith/belief to the opposite of its previous state is, I think, down to a personal need at the moment to be more sure of the world around me. I have also began to consolidate some of my thinking into decisions rather than open musings. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing – I am tempted to think neither. It is just how things presently are. My faith in those beliefs is consequently weak for two reasons:
- They are in a sense partially fabriacted beliefs – decisions I have made in part for the sake of making them.
- I haven’t yet reached a place where I feel like I can say with strong faith that God is real and loves me. I can say those things with some faith, but it isn’t strong.
Frustration of Proof
It is the other shift in thinking that fascinates me the most. I used to want to prove that God was real. To find Him. To know Him. I eventually all but gave up, and thus my attention shifted to wanting to prove that God was not real, so I could settle on that, pack up my theological things and move to pastures new. However, I can’t do it. I can’t prove that God is not real. I keep finding good reasons to believe in God. Nothing concrete – and maybe that’s the point in all this anyway – but enough to keep me from declaring myself an atheist. It’ll do for now.